Remember to be Confident
by ploxfox
Summary: Life is not easy being abandoned by your family for being gay. The only people who care are my two best friends. To repay the debt I owe to them, I'll have to compete in the 24th Hunger Games against a person I hate from my District and 22 other kids who will have to kill me or be killed by me.
1. Chapter 1- Coming out to Friends

I wake up to the familiar feeling of my sleeping hammock but to an unfamiliar view. My stomach clenches in fear but after a brief moment of panic, I remember that I am in Dylan's bedroom. After taking a moment to catch my breath I start to calm back down. As I lay my head back down on my sweat- soaked pillow, I think back over the events that have led to the situation I'm in right now.

I can say with full certainty that the main reason everything has turned out the way it has is because I'm gay. It's something I've sort of known deep down in a part of my brain I was not listening closely enough to for the past couple of years, but had not really come to terms with what was really going on. Maybe it was just a phase, maybe the feelings would start to change as I got older, maybe I could just ignore the feelings, and then suddenly maybe things are not going to change and I might just be different than the norm. To say that is a life-changing moment is an understatement. From that point on, it's a secret that you can either fight to keep known only by you, or let out to those around you and hope for the best.

The latter option is the way I chose to go. Dylan Murphy has been my absolute best friend since the day I met him on our first day of learning academy. It was just one of those things where each of us seemed to innately make the other one laugh through a ridiculous joke, sarcastic remark, or just doing something stupid. We always wound up in the same classes, always wound up working on projects with each other, always competed with each other to be the best, academically and physically. It made us both better and more complete people having each other there to push the other.

As we grew older, those feelings started up and the star of a lot of my fantasies was of course Dylan. He has the typical District 4 seaside look- blond hair, tan skin, tall, athletic build, and his most attractive quality to me, his very light blue eyes. His are different than anyone else's I know. I'd on more than one occasion let my eyes linger on his eyes as he talked a little longer than necessary. Either he never noticed or he never decided to say anything about it, I'll never know. Of course, he was not the only guy I would check out. Living in District 4 has the distinct advantage of being warm most of the year, so people are almost always dressing down to be more comfortable in the sun. This provided plenty of eye candy for me to gaze at. I often found myself comparing the faces and bodies of different guys in my class and wondering what was lying underneath the last bits of clothing they had on while they were doing the same for the girls in the class. It was this attraction to Dylan and the others, instead of the girls, that had me questioning myself, and allowed me to realize my true sexuality.

Though he was the person that made me realize my attraction to guys was my preference, he was not the first person I came out to. I was way too scared to lose him as a friend if he did not take it well. It was the person I confided my feelings to about Dylan who was the first person I came out to- my other best friend, Marina. Marina and I met in our first year at the training academy, where the more daring (or some say foolish) children of District 4 go to become better trained tributes so that we can have the best possible chance at winning the Hunger Games. The whole thing had been the brainchild of a couple of the District 4 winners of the Games. Of course training for the Hunger Games is technically illegal, so we don't make a big scene about the academy, calling it an "after-school fitness program." The previous winners use some of their winnings and some of the ship captains use their extra fish to keep the Peacekeepers in good enough graces to turn a blind eye to what we do. Who doesn't like having a winner around after all? Marina and I shared a bond of having over-bearing parents whose expectations we could never live up to, and rotten siblings which we constantly griped to each other about. Over time we shared more about ourselves with each other, like our hopes for our future after leaving academy, our disdain for the Capital, what we'd do if we were ever reaped to compete in the Games, and our love of the water.

The Capital has no official punishment for someone being gay, which is lucky for me I suppose. I guess all they really care about is if the district is meeting its quota of fish. Of course I must admit it's less of a problem for guys than it is for girls since all women in the country are required to have at least two children over the course of their life or be branded a traitor to the country. Apparently many men and women from the war thought they could get back at the Capital by refusing to have children to be put into the Hunger Games. The Capital couldn't have the districts run out of labor, hence the law. So I suppose that even if a woman was attracted to other women, she would still be required to have the children. Like I said though, not a problem for me, though it is still looked down upon since I would not exactly be doing my part to help Panem rebuild its population.

It was a few months after I'd realized and come to terms with the fact that I was gay that I decided I had to have someone I could talk to about all these feelings, and she was the natural choice. While being gay is not exactly a taboo amongst most of the citizens of District 4, some people take exception to it, calling it unnatural and selfish since gay people can't have kids to help carry on their family businesses. This type of mindset is especially common amongst the people that work on the boats, since it's a culture of macho men, and being gay is definitely not macho. She took it very well to say the least. It probably helped that she didn't have that many friends anyways and only a handful of those were girls that she could talk about guys with so I think it was a relief for her to have me to discuss at least one of those topics with. It was with her prodding that I came out to Dylan as well. I can definitely say that was the most nerve-wracking experience of my life up to that point besides every single Reaping Day of my life. I remember exactly how it went too.

It was towards the end of our daily session at training academy. I told Dylan that I wanted to talk to him outside after he was done. I had been training in hand to hand combat while he had been training in swordplay, so I knew he would take longer to get finished up since he had to deal with the mock equipment clean up and all. I nervously waited outside with Marina while he finished inside. I hadn't asked her to be with me for the talk, but I was glad she stayed. The wait for him to come outside was torturous. Over and over in my head I played out the different scenarios for what could happen. Maybe he takes it well and says it's no big deal and things continue like normal like with Marina. Maybe he says it isn't a big deal but he starts to put distance between us with this new revelation. Maybe he outright rejects me and never wants to have anything to do with me ever again. Maybe he returns my feelings. I put the odds of that last one at about one million to one. I muttered obscenities under my breath while Marina just took my hand to help keep me calm. Dylan came out of the building and spotted us and walked over to where we were standing. Marina gave my hand a last comforting squeeze and then took a step back. Looking back I can see why he had looked so confused, what with me standing there looking very uncomfortable and Marina standing there behind me looking like a body guard.

"So uh can you walk with me for a bit Dylan?" I asked.

"Sure Adrian. What did you want to talk about?" he replied. We began walking down towards the beach. It's my favorite place in the world and I figured being there would help calm me down. The repetitive crash of the waves against the sand and the water running over my feet has had a soothing effect on me since I was little. As we walked, Marina walked behind us taking in the conversation.

I took in a deep breath. "There's something I want to tell you. About me. And it's kind of a big deal." I started.

"Okay…." he said slowly.

"I've told myself I want to tell you this for a while now and I'm finally doing it." I took another deep breath and looked at him. The concern on his face was becoming more apparent. "Dylan, I'm gay." I said quickly. I immediately looked down at the sand after saying it, afraid of the reaction to come.

"Oh so you're a homo." he said casually. I looked up at him wide eyed, not knowing what to say at all but feeling my stomach starting to bottom out. "Is that what this was all about?" he asked.

"Uh, well yeah." I said, completely thrown off guard.

"Dude, I've known that for a while now. I mean thanks for finally telling me, but seriously, this is old news I figured out a long time ago." he said, a smirk growing on his face.

I glanced at Marina who looked about as dumbfounded as I must have looked. Dylan started to laugh at the looks our faces. "So what was this, some sort of setup?" he asked. "What were you going to do Marina, beat me up if I didn't go along with it or something?" he asked, looking at her.

"I…I guess?" she said, sheepishly. I knew she would have without a second thought but she was clearly reeling just like I was at how smoothly the big reveal went.

"And you thought I was going to have a problem with it? After everything we've been through together?" he asked, looking at me. He had a slightly hurt expression on his face.

"I had that slight worry, yes. How did you know?" I asked, looking down at the ground again. Was I that obvious? Did everyone in the town know it and just had not said anything? Or was I giving the people of District 4 way too much credit?

"I don't know, just different mannerisms you have. Like the way you talk sometimes reminds me of some of the Capital gay people you see on the television. There's the way you sit with your legs crossed up like them too. And definitely the way you pay much more attention to guys than you do to girls. It's pretty apparent." he explained. I was horrified about how blatantly apparent to him this was. Then I thought about all the times I had spent an unnecessary amount of time looking into his eyes and my horror turned into total embarrassment. Had he known then that I wasn't just paying close attention to his words but was instead getting lost in his eyes?

"Well glad one of us was able to figure it out so easily." I said half-jokingly, half-irritatedly to hide how mortified I was that he might realize I'm into him. I suppose that made his acceptance of this even more amazing.

The amused look on his face turned into a more serious one. "Adrian- for real I am glad you told me. And Marina- I'm glad you've got his back as well. But can we go back to more pressing matters? Like what do we want to do during the Victor's Tour next week…..?"


	2. Chapter 2- Coming out to Family

I get up out of my hammock and head to the window. I look across the room at Dylan's sleeping figure and sigh. If only everyone had been as accepting as my friends have been. Then I look out the window towards the harbor. I can see some of the fishing boats starting to make their trek out of the docks and to the fishing grounds to get in some parts of their required amounts of fish before dawn. The large tower where Peacekeepers monitor the boats looms large over the harbor.

My father is a ship captain on one of those fishing boats. My mom makes the hooks and nets for the boat. Together they make a great pair. However, part of what makes people into a successful ship captain or net/hook maker is being a perfectionist, and being extraordinarily disciplined in completing tasks. And they had carried that mindset over into the raising of their children. My two older brothers fell right into lockstep with their way of doing things from a fairly early age. Both were very helpful deckhands on my father's ship at a decently early age. My oldest brother, Marius Jr., is next in line for a ship captaincy when one should open up. My other older brother, River, will then move up to being my father's first mate, which is a fairly prestigious position given my dad's standing in the boating community.

Then I came along. Fishing and being constantly ordered around on a boat just did not ever resonate with me. Don't get me wrong- I love being out on the water. I've spent a healthy part of my life in the water or on a boat. I just don't like the whole following orders part of it mixed with my father's 'his way or the highway' mentality. It led to constant fighting between my parents and I, which of course being a kid meant lots of punishments for me. It's for that reason that I was put into the training academy. They said if I'm not going to amount to anything useful on the ship, the least I could do is be useful for the district. So at 12 years old, I entered the training academy. Dylan did it with me, though he did it more just out of boredom and as a fitness program. My parents also decided to have me sign up for tesserae as I wasn't helping bring in fish for our meals like my brothers were, since the Capital allows ship captains to keep 2% of the fish they bring in over their required quota. This meant adding my name in an additional 7 times each year, since we also had my twin younger brothers to take care of.

As the years went by, we all fell into an uneasy truce. My father, mother, and older brothers looked down on me for not wanting to enter the 'family business' as they would say but I was equally as strong as them thanks to my training. My younger brothers were indifferent towards me since they were the babies and were very useful on the ship as well. As this all went on, I went through my realization of my sexuality and my coming out to Marina and Dylan. Hiding it from my family though was a major pain. I had to be extra sure not to mention any of the topics relating to my sexuality in their presence. I had to tip-toe through the awkward conversations about if there were any girls I was considering dating or found attractive. It never helped when my brothers would get into serious relationships and marriage talk would start to float around. When my parents were in the same area as Marina and Dylan I had them be sure to watch what they said to me and keep topics light and easy. It was tiring playing the charade to say the least.

This had gone on for two years. I came out to Marina when I was 16. I was now 18. I would be entering the Reaping for the last time. I would be graduating from learning academy. I would have no more classes at the training academy. I didn't know what my future held exactly. I hoped it would be something relating to science since that is my favorite subject in learning academy. But at the very least I figured something would fall into place involved with fishing since that is what most people in the district are trained to do in one way or another. The time felt right to just get it over with and come out to my parents. I was going to be an adult now so I might as well start acting like one. Plus I was just plain tired of the act I had been putting on. I talked over the idea of coming out to my parents with Dylan and Marina. Both were supportive of me doing it, but both were worried about the outcome as well, knowing how my parents are. After a long conversation we agreed that I would pre-emptively move a select amount of my most important possessions to Dylan's room the day of, just in case things didn't work out. We also agreed it might be best to do a test run of my coming out to people of my parent's generation, so we used his parents as the testers. They would be the first people older than me that I would come out to, so it would definitely be interesting to see how they would take it. Of course Dylan's parents are much nicer and more laid back people than my parents, which wound up being a blessing and a curse.

Coming out to Dylan's parents wound up going very well. They were a little surprised, and asked a few questions, but were overall perfectly fine with it. His dad said with all the death and bloodshed his father told him about during his youth about the failed rebellion, who someone falls in love with is laughably insignificant. We filled them in on the plan to tell my parents and they told me I was more than welcome to stay at their house if things did not go well. This was two days ago.

At dinner earlier tonight, I pulled the trigger on the announcement. I had warned Dylan and Marina at training academy today it was happening. Being a Saturday, I figured it would be for the best since I don't have either academy tomorrow. Both were on standby on the street outside as it went down.

I did it towards the end of dinner. Of course the topic of girlfriends and dating had come up. Marius Jr. and River have their longtime girlfriends. Lachlan and Lincoln, the twins, were naturally bickering over the same girl. And then the conversation had shifted to me.

"Well boys just make sure you're not wasting your time fighting over a girl who is not right." my mother said. "That goes for you too Adrian."

"I wouldn't worry about that." I said, truthfully, playing with my fork. 'Here we go.' I think to myself.

She looked at me with an odd look on her face. "Why do you say that?" she asked.

I realized this would be my opening into the big announcement. I take a deep breath and steel my nerves once again. "I don't think you need to ever worry about me fighting over a girl." I said.

"What are you talking about, Adrian?" she asked, looking more confused. Why am I turning this into a game? It's going to go fine.

"I'm not interested in fighting someone for a girl. I'm not into that." I said, knowing the moment was just about at hand and feeling extremely worried.

"And what would you be more into exactly? Girls fighting over you?" asked my father sarcastically. "I'm starting to see why you never have a girlfriend if this is the attitude you've adopted." All eyes on the table were on me.

"Well actually you're slightly off on that, dad. The actual thing I'm interested in is, well, other guys. So mom, dad, that would mean that I'm gay" I said evenly. "So no need to worry about me going after girls at all." I added, trying to keep my voice steady.

The silence at the table was sudden and deafening. Lachlan and Lincoln were looking back and forth between mom, dad, and me. My older brothers were sitting there staring at me with surprised looks on their faces. But my mother and father were going through a rapid transition from confused to angry and upset.

"And just when did this nonsense start?" my mother asked me, her voice struggling to stay level.

"I've known for 2 years now. Marina and the Murphy's know too. And now you know." I said in a calm voice, hoping it would keep things calm as well. Why did she call it nonsense? Their attitude is the thing that's nonsense.

"You've told other people about this?" my father asked, voice not bothering to stay lowered. "How could you do that? Why would you do that? What is wrong with you?"

"It did not seem like a problem to me." I answered weakly. This was going all wrong. I was starting to realize that this was going to be my first encounter with people not accepting that I'm gay. And it's my own family of all people. The hurt inside was immediate and deep.

"Not a problem? You are telling people that you are, are, gay?" he spluttered. "This is completely unacceptable, and I will not allow this. You will tell all of those people you told that you are mistaken and that you were, I don't know, confused about your feelings." he said, crossing his arms as if to say it was the end of the conversation.

Mistaken? Confused? The way he acts like it's just something he can order to happen on his boat begins to anger me. How dare he just say I should suddenly change how I am?

"Well you can't change it and I'm definitely not confused about my feelings so you might as well accept it like they all did." I shoot back.

"Can't be changed? You are mine, boy, and if I tell you to do something you will do it." he said, voice rising into his captain voice, as I call it. "No child of mine is going to be a homo, absolutely not. Apologize right now for talking this filth."

"I will not apologize for being who I am!" I said, temper starting to rise.

"DO NOT RAISE YOUR VOICE AT ME! DO YOU REALIZE WHAT THIS LOOKS LIKE? HOW THIS MAKES ME LOOK?" my father says, red blotches starting to color his face. "ONE OF MY SONS PRANCING AROUND TOWN WITH SOME SORT OF MENTAL ILLNESS THAT HE THINKS IS PERFECTLY FINE?"

"I do not prance around! And so you know, I've been this way for 2 years already! So you've already known me as a gay person." I protested. In the back of my mind I realized that his is a disaster and that they clearly do not understand how this is not a big deal. Why were they not seeing my logic? Why did he think it will affect how he will be viewed? He's not the one who is gay.

"Where did we go wrong?" my mother wailed. "How could you do this to us, Adrian? How could you be so selfish? Why didn't you tell us sooner so we could have had you fixed?"

"What are you talking about?! I don't need fixing!" I said, reeling from the way this conversation had now included accusations about my mental health and that I am broken.

"Oh yes you do." my father said darkly. "There's been something wrong with you from the day you were born. I've tolerated your failure to be a proper member of this family until now but this…..this is too much. I cannot accept it, I will not accept it. We raised you better than this, I know it. Someone must have twisted or seduced you into this. Was it that Dylan kid?"

The mention of Dylan's name in any sort of negative light caused white hot anger to flare up inside of me. "Don't you dare say that!" I replied heatedly. "Dylan did nothing, he's totally straight, and he's a supportive friend unlike some people. He had the decency to accept who I am."

"Don't you even think about taking that tone with me, fag." my dad fired back. The use of such a negative word with such a hateful tone behind it was like a slap directly in the face. "Your ungratefulness makes me sick. How could you be so selfish to do this to us?"

"I didn't do anything! Why can't you understand this? Nothing is wrong!" I said, pleadingly. I was holding back tears from the constant stream of insults and anger being thrown my way. Nothing in this conversation was making any sense to me. I felt like was drowning at sea without a life vest.

"Nothing is wrong? You couldn't be further from the truth. You make me look bad, your mother look bad, your brothers look bad, and you are going to be a laughingstock in the community carrying my last name down into the mud with you. You disgust me." He spat.

"Well what do you want to do about it? Because I'm not going to change who I am." I said.

"What am I going to do?" he asked, menacingly, slowly rising up out of his seat. "I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I want you out. I want you gone. You are a monumental failure and I cannot stand the sight of you. You are no longer welcome into my life and family. I want you out of this house, and I want you to never darken this doorstep again until you figure out how to belong in this family."

I looked at him dumbfounded, no words coming to my mouth, my vision starting to tunnel out of shock. "I agree. There is no place for this here." my mom said with a sneer on her face. "You sicken me Adrian. I did everything I could to be a good mother to you and this is how you repay me. By becoming some unnatural freak. I don't want you here, spreading your filth to the other boys and ruining our good name."

I was totally lost. Out of the house? Out of their life? Their own son? Their own flesh and blood just cast aside like a broken net that they have no more use for? I had thought they might need some time to process the news and I would let them have that time by staying at Dylan's, but this was way more serious than I thought it would get. "So this is how you are going to act. Everyone else accepts it and you don't." I said, sadly.

"No decent person in this district, and certainly none of the people we associate with, would accept what you just said." my mother said snidely.

Wrong. "The Murphy's did and they seem more than decent to me." I said back to her.

"I don't care who accepts it! I don't! Go and get out! NOW!" my father said, starting to bellow again, slamming his fists on the table.

I stood up from my chair, gave them each a dirty look, and walked out of the house, tears starting to form in my eyes. I made my way to where Marina and Dylan were and slumped to the ground sobbing. They sat there with me, rubbing my back and telling me it would be ok. Only I knew it would not be ok. It would never be ok. I was officially banned from my own family. Sure they were hard to get along with but they were my family. And they no longer wanted me to be associated with them in any way. The hurt felt like a burning inside. It took a long time for me to pull myself together and walk with them to Dylan's house. All I could think about was what Dylan's father had said earlier about not caring how my generation lived our life. And meanwhile my father cared not about me, but about his own name. The hurt was made worse by just how nonsensical the whole conversation had been. When we got to the house I went through with them and Dylan's parents what had happened. All of them were upset at how my parents had acted and Dylan had wanted to go confront them but I begged him to just let it be. I didn't want things getting worse than they already were. Telling the story and reliving the horror made me feel exhausted so I'd made my way up to Dylan's room where I'd left my stuff and passed out in my hammock. What a horrible day.

As I look out the window, the magnitude of what has happened today hits me. My father and mother have officially renounced their ties to me as blood. They view me as some sort of mentally diseased failure of a son- a black mark on their name. My brothers probably feel the same. And I'm sure by tomorrow most of the people in the area will know about me. Will they feel the same as well? I now am an 18 year old with no prospects for future work, no family to speak of, and no chance of any type of happy future. I have no one in my life that loves me. No one else that I know of that is gay like I am that I could talk to or even possibly have a relationship with. And I'm currently now a burden on my best friend's parents.


	3. Chapter 3- A Big Wake Up Call

The rest of the week goes by in a daze. I'm almost completely checked out of life. Dylan drags me to training academy each morning. We sit through our classes at learning academy. But I'm really just going through the motions. Inside all I can think about is how bleak the future looks and how there's almost no way things are going to get better. Word indeed spread through the area; no doubt my older brothers and my gossip-happy mother were behind it. The taunting and insults from the children of my parents friends become an almost constant background noise at learning academy. No one attempts a physical altercation with me out of fear of attracting attention from the Peacekeepers, and since my years of training has made me one of the stronger people in the school.

My only real time away from it is at training academy, where the instructors work us so hard preparing for the Games that no one has the energy to devote to making remarks towards me, and at the Murphy's house. These two places become the only places where I retain a bit of my old life. To the everlasting credit of Marina and Dylan, they make no attempt to distance themselves from me, though at my urging I tell them not to intervene whenever someone is saying something nasty about me. I know it hurts them to see me hurt, but I'm not going to have their lives be any more negatively affected by me than they already have. Seems odd saying such a thing but given how different things are from what they were a week ago it does seem like a different life I'm living now.

It's Friday morning when I finally get snapped back into reality. At the end of our last learning academy class of the day, our professor stops the lesson early and tells everyone to pack up but stay seated.

"I just wanted to tell you all I hope for the best for you tomorrow at the Reaping. If one of you is the lucky boy or girl to get picked, let me take this chance now to tell you I wish you great luck, and I want you to do your best to continue the winning tradition of District 4." he says with great pride. "Use your brains if you are in the arena, since it will not be just strength that will win you the Games. And of course, always remember that everyone here will be pulling for you. Alright, class dismissed."

I get up and head outside with Dylan and Marina to start the walk home. We stop by the beach and I stand at the edge of the water, watching as the waves flow over my feet and pull sand up over them. How did the Reaping sneak up on me? In a way I guess I should be happy that my mind has been preoccupied with something else. Too bad that something else has been almost just as stressful.

"Well glad to know the district will be pulling for whomever the tributes are." Dylan says sarcastically. "I really thought it was a tossup between our tributes and the tributes from 7."

Marina and I roll our eyes at his joke. "And you don't think we'll get a similar speech tomorrow at training academy?" she asks

"Well at least Master Aquilis's speeches are more interesting." Dylan replies.

"Man, how did the Reaping sneak up on me?" I ask.

"Well you've kind of been in your own world all week. You haven't noticed the decorations in front of the Justice building?" Marina asks.

"I guess not." I reply sheepishly. "It's been a rotten week."

"I know bud, I know." Dylan says. "It'll get better though."

I look at him. He has a smile on his face. I appreciate his attempts to make me feel better. Inside though I doubt his statement that things will get better, since there's nothing to indicate that this is true. We leave the beach and continue along the road. We reach the fork in the road where Marina splits off to head to her house. We say our goodbyes and head on to the Murphy residence. Along the way we once again pass by my family's house. Things look like they always do. I wonder what they've done with the stuff that I didn't take to Dylan's? It wasn't that much but still, it had been mine. They obviously haven't given any second thoughts to bringing me back home. I've seen Lachlan and Lincoln in the halls at learning academy but other than a quick nod in my direction there's been no interaction. The loss of their brotherhood hurts.

We trek on into the Murphy home where we fall into our chore routine we've developed. At my insistence I've helped Mr. Murphy with his boat repair work to help me feel somewhat useful. He gives me easy work but I can already tell I don't quite have the skills to be able to do everything he does to make the boats so perfectly. It winds up being a fairly quiet night. I can tell everyone's minds are on the Reaping tomorrow.

At sunrise the next day Dylan and I wake up and we make our way to our final session at the training academy. The night was not filled with as much sleep as I would've liked. Too many thoughts about what today will bring, and what will happen now that my last Reaping and last day of training academy are actually here. My few dreams involved my parents yelling at me again only with sharks heads replacing their normal ones. I can't tell which is scarier.

"Last time for doing this." I say tiredly.

"Finally." he responds. "Too bad if we're not reaped all of these skills will have gone to waste." he says. I can't tell if he's trying to make a joke or not. We meet up with Marina and make our way into the building.

"Morning." we grunt tiredly. All she can manage is a tired "Same." back to us. She clearly did not sleep well either. Who can though with the threat of a possible trip to the Hunger Games hanging over your head?

We're about to make the turn towards the changing rooms when we notice a sign telling all trainees to make their way to the sparring room. We exchange knowing glances with each other and head in. Time for our yearly speech giving us directions for how to handle the Reaping. Everyone is sitting down facing the front where Master Aquilis is standing. We take seats next to each other towards the side of the room and wait while the rest of the class arrives. Once most everyone has taken a seat, Master Aquilis begins talking.

"Today class, there will be no training. I want all of you to take it easy today. Because today is the day that we have trained for. Today is Reaping Day. All of the hard work, the blood, the sweat, and the lessons have been building for this day. District 4 has a proud history in the Hunger Games. We have 5 victors from the 23 Games that have happened so far. You know them all by now. Each of you that get reaped will get one of them as a mentor. We have worked hard so that this tradition of excellence will continue. We have worked hard so that the other districts of Panem know that our children are better than theirs. We have worked hard so that the rewards of winning will continue to be showered upon the people of this district. If you are the person that gets reaped I want you to remember that. Remember all of the people here who are counting on you. The pride of this district rests with your performance in the arena.

That said, I was informed of a bit of insider information from the Capital itself by one of our former victors. Apparently since next year marks the 25th anniversary of the Hunger Games, the Capital is planning on doing something very special for the Games. We know it is going to be different in some way regarding who is chosen but that's all we know. Apparently they've let some people from the Capital start to know that this year's Reaping will be the last normal one they see for a while. But they do want to start drumming up excitement for those Games, so I expect that they will try to do something for the Games this year to get people in the Capital extra hyped for next year.

With that I mind, my only instructions for you today are as follow. I want one of you all going to the Games. And I want either a 17 or 18 year old going to the Games, plain and simple. Preferably it would be an 18 year old but there's so few of you that I am fine with a 17 year old going as well. This will provide us with a physical and experience advantage over the districts that send younger tributes. You know 1 and 2 are going to be having older ones volunteering to go so I want older ones going as well to hopefully contribute to the alliance we have started forming with them. Now I am not going to sit here and pick one of you. Any one of the eleven of you 17 and 18 year olds are adequately prepared I feel. So if any name besides one of you all is pulled from the bowl tomorrow, I want one of you to volunteer. You will know when the time comes during the Reaping if you want to be the one to volunteer. Of course given what I said earlier, I will understand if you allow whoever is reaped to go regardless of who it is. I cannot force any of you to volunteer. Also keep in mind the way things work. Remember that the cameras will be watching you every step of the way. From the second you walk on that stage after being chosen, your actions will be judged by the people of the Capitol. These are the people who very well may decide your fate in the arena through their gifts. And when you are in the arena, keep your wits about you and above all remember your training! One of you is getting out of that arena, I just know it. And you will join the elite club of victors that this district has made. And for the loser, your fight will not be in vain. Die valiantly and you too will be remembered in the district. And of course, your death will help prevent the death of the younger learners around you by being a new lesson on improving our chances in the arena.

That is all I have to say today. Go home and get yourselves ready for the big event. Make yourselves look ready to be on camera. And prepare your nerves for what awaits you today. For those of you not reaped, I shall see you tomorrow. For the hopefully two of you who are, I shall see you in the Justice Building later. Class dismissed."


	4. Chapter 4- Ready for Reaping

The three of us get up with the rest of the crowd and head outside. The Reaping now has my full attention. Some of the things that Master Aquilis said stick out. As an 18 year old, I'm expected to be considering volunteering if any younger person's name is called from the ball. I think about what my reaction would be if my name is to be called. There are only eleven of us that are of the age he wanted volunteering, and only 6 of us are boys including Dylan and myself. Surprisingly I'm not all that upset by the possibility. After all, what future do I have here in District 4? What happiness do I have awaiting me? If I go to the Hunger Games, at least I have a chance to make a name for myself in the district. Really it's win-win. If I die, all my problems disappear with my last heartbeat. If I live, then I'm a Hunger Games victor, and all the benefits that come with it are my future. I'd be more important than my hateful parents.

The three of us hang out at the docks for a while. None of us really talk much- each of us is alone with our thoughts. Marina tells us that she needs to talk some last minute outfit preparations with another girl so she'll catch up with us later at the Reaping. After Dylan and I say our goodbyes to her, we begin the walk back to his house.

"Our final day of training is over," he says happily. "Can't wait to be able to start sleeping in for a change."

"As long as we don't have to put all of this training to real use I'll be happy." I reply, secretly a little disappointed that I no longer have an excuse to swim around with him and see him in his training swimsuit every day.

"Isn't that the truth." he says as we pass a group of ship hands being watched over by Peacekeepers. The fact that they don't call out any insults is a testament to the impact the Reaping has on people. They know full well one of us might have just hours left in this district. The sun is rising higher in the sky, which is completely cloudless. It's going to be a beautiful day out. How nice that we already have an excuse to be out and about in it later.

"This is our last Reaping though. At least as the ones with our names in the pot." says Dylan.

"Yeah clear sailing from here till the end of our lives." I reply sarcastically. "Or until we have children ourselves."

"Well you won't have to worry about that though at least." Dylan says. I look at him confused and then realize he's wondering how could a gay guy ever have a kid of his own?

"Well what if I was to adopt a kid?" I ask him quietly. The sudden picture of a future with a kid is jarring to me. No, it's impossible. No child would be allowed with a gay parent.

"Do you think that would be allowed?" Dylan replies, stunned.

"I don't see why not. Better than letting the kid starve to death on the streets or go their life unwanted. Who cares though?" I reply. I have no idea why I'm trying to play devil's advocate for something I know is not going to happen, and the whole conversation is starting to irritate me for some reason.

"I guess so. I don't even know if I'd want to have kids. Just get married and that's it."

"Why not?" I ask, still a little irritated.

"Why would I raise a child that could be sent out into those Games? How could our parents do that to us, let alone me do it to my child?"

"But you'd make such an excellent father. Seriously. And besides, the person you marry will need to have at least two kids anyways." I can picture him having little kids all with his wonderful eyes. It would be a shame for future generations not to be able to see their beauty.

"I don't know…." he says in a wavering voice.

"Plus, I always imagined me getting to be a crazy uncle for your kids. Naturally I'd be a terrible influence on your kids." I say, poking him in the side. There I am again making up an impossible future. I doubt whoever his wife wound up being would want me around her kids.

He looks up at me with a smile starting to form on his face. "Uncle Adrian you say? Well if you wind up adopting a boy I guess I'd have to be Uncle Dylan. After all, one of us would have to be there to teach him about wooing the ladies." he says, his smile getting bigger.

"Goodness knows I'd be no help." I reply, laughing. "I'd wind up getting him nowhere for sure."

We both laugh, though in the back of my mind, the thought of my future is not quite so funny. I know that the odds of me ever having a partner to fall in love with are nonexistent, and having a child even smaller odds than that. And throughout all of it I will be dead to my family. If it wasn't for the Murphy family and their endless supply of kindness….

A few minutes pass before Dylan speaks up again. "So do you have any clothes that will work for reaping day?" he asks, getting serious again.

"Ah yes need to look pretty for the cameras now don't we? You think they'd allow me to just wear my swim suit?" I ask half-joking.

"Something tells me the Capital will be a little upset with that." he answers.

"True, I suppose I'm not in the mood for lashings. I'll just wear my button up shirt, some shorts and my boating shoes. Roll the sleeves up and leave some of the buttons undone so I can show off the tan and muscles. Never know how many gay Capitalites there are that might want to be a sponsor." I answer truthfully. I have actually given the outfit a touch of thought, though the last part had been a thought from Marina. Who knows, maybe one of those gay Capitalites would be a potential partner for me if I win the Games.

"Oh man good thinking." he says. "I'm sure my mom laid out the outfit I had last year. I hate wearing long pants." he says in a whining voice.

"Well like you said earlier, at least this is our last time." I say, hoping it cheers him up slightly, while thinking to myself that I too hate seeing him I long pants. Or pants in general. I shake my head. The thoughts just keep coming out of nowhere today it seems. Too much to keep track of. I wish I had a chance to relax in the water somewhere and collect all my thoughts, but there's not enough time.

We reach the door and head in. The mood in the house is tense to put it mildly. Mrs. Murphy busies herself making some lunch but the frown on her face is noticeable. Mr. Murphy is looking over a bunch of work orders but I can see that his eyes aren't moving. Dylan and I quickly eat the bread and salmon combo that was on the table and then head down to his room. On the way we pass his brother Kyle and I can see the worry in his face. Luckily his name in only in the pot three times so he has much better odds than most of having his name called. And besides if one of us from the training academy volunteers he will be safe anyways.

As we enter Dylan's room I look over at him and can see he is deep in thought. There are many people I'm sure he is worried about getting reaped today and I know Kyle has to be right at the top of the list. As I start to change into my reaping outfit, I start to think of who I'm worried about seeing get reaped. Obviously Dylan and Kyle. Marina. Then I remember that Lincoln and Lachlan are eligible too. The thought of only one of the twins getting picked and the idea of them being forever separated is tragic I must admit though my sympathy only goes so far at this point. So wow, 3 people I'd be very upset for, and then a couple hundred people I'd feel indifferent or possibly even glad for getting reaped. I wonder how many people would lump me into the 'glad he got reaped' category? I can think of four right off the bat. I think back to what Master Aquilis said this morning though and relax slightly. Really the only people that should be going to the Games are people from Training Academy, and of them the only ones I care about going are Dylan and Marina. But then I remember what he said about this year's Games being extra spectacular in some way. Maybe people won't be volunteering after all.

I look at myself in the mirror. The outfit is good at doing its job, mainly in making me look attractive enough in case I'm on camera. I glance at Dylan. As usual he looks excellent in his light blue shirt and white pants. That become see-through when they are wet. It hits me quite suddenly but it hits hard- the full knowledge that things are going to be changing massively between me and Dylan. I guess the earlier conversation is starting to register with me. We are both over 18 so marriage will become more and more expected. Even if he has no kids like he says I'm sure whatever girl he marries will convince him to change his mind. And between her, the kids, and whatever job he gets, the odds of me getting to spend much time my best friend that often will fall greatly. Not to mention whatever job I have, which right now doesn't look like that happy of a picture either. Reaping Day sure does bring out all the positive thoughts…..

As these thoughts are bouncing around in my head, Kyle walks in. He's dressed similar to Dylan. I can see how nervous he's starting to get by how fidgety he is. "So third reaping for me. Last one for you guys. Does it ever get any easier to go through?"

Dylan and I exchange a dark look. "I get a little less nervous every time. Guess you just get more used to it." Dylan says in a weak attempt to soothe Kyle's nerves. I know full well that's an outright lie. Knowing your name is on more slips in those reaping balls than last year makes each year more nerve-wracking than the last. And I know Kyle is smart enough to realize this as well.

"It'll be ok then?" he asks skeptically.

"You could do what I do." he says. "I just pretend I'm listening to the waves hitting on the beach. Helps keep me nice and calm."

Kyle smiles. "Yeah I guess that could work. What about you Adrian?"

Usually my thoughts are racing during the reaping, going through all the different possibilities of what to do if I or someone I like is picked. If anything I should be taking Dylan's advice myself. "Oh I do the same thing, just think of a happy place." I say quickly. He nods and walks back out of the room, looking like he was trying to think of what kind of place that would be for him.

"Happy place huh? Given how you usually look at the reaping I'd say you need to work on that." Dylan says to me.

"What can I say? I'm trying to help the kid." I shoot back.

"Alright, whatever you say." he says, waving his hands in front of him.

I pull on my shoes and stand. I feel the need to get out of the house and try to collect all the thoughts I've had today. "I'm going down to the ocean for a minute. You want to come or stay here?" I ask.

"Sure I'll come down." he replies, pulling his shoes on.

We pass by Mrs. Murphy and let her know we'll be back in a couple of minutes. She reminds not to be late for the trip to the square. We trek down the road and then through our familiar path in the woods to the rocks jutting out over the water. We take a seat. The rocks feel nice and cool compared to how hot the air is already. As we sit I start to think again about what Master Aquilis was saying at the end of training today. I wonder if he's right about just knowing in the moment that it's going to be you to volunteer. The idea is intriguing. His arguments for wanting to volunteer seem weak. On the other hand my reasons for wanting to stay here in District 4 are running thin as well. I wonder about what Dylan has going through his head on the subject.

"So have you given any thought to what Master Aquilis was saying earlier?" I ask Dylan.

"Which part?" he replies.

"About volunteering and all."

"Yeah I thought about it. I mean we have been training hard and I wouldn't mind the rewards of winning, but at the same time if I don't win, that'll kill my family." he says. "Plus you know me- I'm not exactly a fan as it is of having to pay for the sins of others. It's not fair to us. "

"I guess." I say. "So nothing will make you volunteer?" I ask, hoping his answer is no.

"There's only one thing. If Kyle gets called. That would be the only thing that would get me to make that move. I like the idea of an 18 year old volunteering though. Of course I'd like that not to be you either. Don't pretend like I don't know how many slips of paper have your name on them." he says, looking directly into my eyes with a slight frown. "What are you thinking about what he said?" he asks.

"I don't know, his reasons did seem fairly weak, I agree." I say, slowly. "I don't know what would push me to volunteer. There's only a limited number of people I don't really want to see go. On the other hand, it does offer a nice way to escape." I say.

Dylan gives me a sad look. "Would the Games actually be an escape from anything?" he asks quietly. I don't answer him, though in my mind, a small, dark voice says 'It just might.'


	5. Chapter 5- The Reaping

At around six we all make our way for the town square. The walk is mostly silent. Kyle walks in between his mom and dad while Dylan and I just walk together behind them. On the way we meet up with Marina and her parents. She looks very nice in a blue blouse and white skirt combo. It's such a shame that most people wind up looking their best on such a thoroughly unpleasant day. When we get to the square, the parents go and join the general crowd of people on the outskirts of the square while the four of us head to the processing area. With a small wave goodbye and a call of good luck, Marina heads to the girls line while Dylan, Kyle, and I head through the boys line. When we get up to the tables with the peacekeepers they take each of our names and ages and send us to the appropriate waiting area. Being 18 year olds, Dylan and I are right up in the front while Kyle is closer to the back. I look out amongst the crowd along the perimeter. I find the Murphy's, holding each others hands and looking fairly nervous. Scanning along further I pause when I see my parents and older brothers standing near a tree. I don't know if they've seen me but they give no indication that they know that I've seen them. I quickly turn around and look behind me and sure enough I can see the twins a few areas back. I decide not to look back at my parents- there are more pressing things to worry about.

The square is very large here. I guess when the district was built they took their inspiration from how open the sea is in constructing the square, so there winds up being no problem fitting most of the District 4 population into the area. Even still, they have large screens set up around the area so people can get the same view as the television cameras have. I can see the camera crews up on a couple of roofs of buildings. The cameras are trained on a stage in front of the justice building that has been set up for the day's event. It has a podium front and center with the seal of the Capital on it. To the left of it are 2 large glass bowls that have the slips of paper with all of the potential tributes names on them. I remember that 56 of those slips of paper will have my name on them this year, and the possibility that my name has a fairly high chance of being pulled becomes quite obvious now.

To the right of the podium are two rows of chairs, four in front, three in back. In the front row already are Mayor Cereen and the District 4 Capital escort, Appolyte Gordon. He's wearing a shimmering blue suit with a crazy sea green wig. He is certainly embracing the ocean theme enthusiastically. The rest of the chairs are for the five victors. The currently empty chairs in the front row will be filled by the 2 victors that will be serving as the mentors for this year while the back row is for the other three victors that will not be mentors.

"I wonder who the mentors will be this year." I say to Dylan.

"No idea. As long as it's not Loony Lily then it should be fine." he replies. Loony Lily was our second victor- she won the Games but has been glued to an alcohol bottle for many years now. She can be seen wandering around jumping in fear at random things and randomly running from invisible ghosts. I feel sorry for her. Though Dylan has a point- she would not make a very useful mentor.

Right before the Reaping is about to begin, the five victors appear on the stage to lots of applause from the crowd. Glade and Mags wind up taking the chairs reserved for the mentors. Right at seven, just as the sun is starting to set, the Mayor walks over to the podium and starts to read from a prepared speech. He tells the story about the founding of Panem and the various disasters that it survived to become a great nation of 13 districts surrounding a beautiful Capital district, with peace and prosperity for all. Then the story goes into the Dark Days, which describes the period of time when the districts rebelled against the Capital. The Capital defeated 12 of the districts, and completely destroyed the 13th. They remind us of this often with video from smoldering remains that were once a home to thousands of people. After the defeat, which lead to the deaths of many more district citizens than Capital citizens, the Treaty of Treason was signed to declare a new age of peace, and as a part of this Treaty, the Hunger Games were born to remind us of the treason of our ancestors and to make sure these actions should not be repeated. I can't help but think about how it's their fault we are in this square right now.

He then goes on to explain the rules of the Hunger Games. How each of the 12 districts are to send one male and one female tribute between 12 and 18 years of age to participate in the Games each year. The 24 tributes will then be sent into an arena, which changes each year with wildly different types of environments. Over the course of the game, the tributes must fight to the death until only one tribute remains. This tribute will be declared the winner of the Hunger Games, and will receive a house in the Victor's Village, various rewards for life, and prizes and gifts for the people of their district as well. The whole thing is treated like it is a sporting festival between the districts to show which district has the best tributes.

After finishing the story, he introduces the platform party. Wild applause erupts as he reads off the names of the five victors we have had over the 23 previous years. We are lucky that this district has so many winners- District One with six victors and District Two with four victors are the only other Districts with multiple winners. Districts Six and Twelve don't even have a victor. He then invites Appolyte Gordon to the podium to start the Reaping. He waves cheerfully for the crowd, probably assuming the enthusiastic applause was meant for him as well.

"Happy Hunger Games everyone! I'm so excited to be here in District Four once again for another exciting Reaping Day! It is an honor to get to be the person responsible for helping out a district that has had so much success in the event…."

I try to imagine someone like him being stuck with a district like Six that has no winner. I wonder if he'd be as excited to be there. I'm thinking no.

"Well let's get to the big moment- the selection of this year's tributes. May the odds be ever in your favor! Let's begin with the selection of our young lady tribute." he begins, walking over towards the bowl that has the slips of paper with all of the girl's names. The silence in the square is only broken by the calling of seagulls in the sky. I look over at Marina- she has her eyes closed and her arms crossed across her chest, silently awaiting her fate. I imagine a scenario where it's her and I in the arena and I find the thought horrifying. All I can think is 'please not her, please not her, please not her.' After reaching around for a few seconds, he pulls his hand out of the bowl, grasping a slip of paper. He strides back over to the podium and unfolds the slip of paper.

"Your district 4 female tribute this year is Nerissa Loch!" he calls out.

'Ugh' is the first thing that comes to mind. Well at least a 17 year old got picked. There are very few people from training academy I truly hated growing up, and she was one of them. Anger and attitude problems, constant streams of rude comments directed at anyone around her, selfish behavior, and an all-around nasty person to be around. I kept my distance from her for a number of years, keeping my interactions with her to the lowest amount possible. One day though when I was 16 and she was 15, she cornered me in the sparing room for the conversation that made things positively acidic between us.

"Adrian, I want to talk to you about something." she said, a slight edge to her voice.

"What is it, Nerissa?" I replied warily.

"Your friend Dylan." I immediately tensed up- did she know how I felt? "I'm interested in what I see. I want him to ask me out. How do I get his attention?"

To say I was taken aback would be a gross understatement. And speaking of gross- the idea of her being with Dylan. There's no way I would allow that awfulness to happen.

"Oh I don't know, I think he might have his eye on someone else…." I said non-committedly.

"I don't care what bitch he's looking at, I want his eyes on me. What'll it take?" she said, her temper clearly beginning to rise.

I narrowed my eyes. "Well first off, he doesn't like being the less intelligent one in a relationship, so fail a test or two and show that off to him. It'll make him feel smarter than you which he really likes." I began, smiling horribly inside at the lies I was about to spin. "Oh and talk about how much you can't stand when it's hot- he hates that too. Loves it when it's cool and rainy." I said, knowing full well he practically worships the sun and loves hot weather. "Oh and try beating our friend Marina in a sparring match. Really sock it to her. It'll show him how strong you can be." 'And royally piss him off.' I thought to myself.

"Those things will get his eyes on me?" she said, the eagerness in her voice sickening me.

"Oh no doubt about it." I said innocently.

Well sure enough she did everything I said. She had a big test in science class two days after our conversation that she bombed. She loudly talked about it before training began that day, making sure to do it near Dylan and I. She made sure to look in our direction a few times to see if Dylan was paying attention but he instead was whispering to me that he wasn't surprised she was such an idiot. I shrugged my shoulders at Nerissa.

The next day she decided to be more direct and tried to strike up a conversation with Dylan about the misery of hot days. I give a lot of credit to Dylan, he was very cordial to her in that he didn't straight up walk away from the conversation but he extricated himself from it the moment Marina came out of the changing room, saying he had important school stuff to do. I think that's what caused her to do what she did later. When it came time to do hand to hand sparring, Nerissa called out a challenge to Marina. Marina is never one to back down from a challenge, so she accepted. Poor Marina had no idea what she had gotten herself into. Nerissa pulled out every dirty move in the book to beat Marina. Marina gamely lasted for a good while, but Nerissa won with an over the top rough gut punch/sweep-kick combo that had Marina on the ground gasping for air since it knocked the breath out of her lungs. I turned and looked at Dylan and the fury on his face was unmistakable. He ran over to Marina to try and help her regain her breath and spent a full five minutes yelling at Nerissa about how horrible he thought she was. When he was done and had left to help Marina down to the locker rooms, Nerissa turned to me with a look a pure fury on her face. She had definitely figured out what I had done, so I had wisely stationed myself near a group of my friends, so when she walked over to me, all she could do was look me dead in the eyes and say, "You will pay for this. I swear it." and then walk off.

I never did tell Dylan what I had done, but I did confess to Marina. It took almost a year of apologizing to her to have her forgive me but she did find it hilarious and a just cause. From that day on, Nerissa made good on her word. Every chance she got she would challenge me to fights, insult me, and take cheap shots when she could. To be honest it actually did make me a better fighter, and I did win against her a lot, given that I've got about 8 inches in height and about 40 pounds in muscle on her. But she did not make it easy. And when the word spread that I was gay, she was the first to be sure to call me absolutely every name in the book and more that first day of training academy after everything went down. She went so over the top with her name calling that it took all of the wind out of the sails of the others that had wanted to take a go at me, so ironically she saved me from having a much worse day than I did. She did make more attempts to get Dylan to ask her out as well over the years, but the damage was more than done by her actions after the initial lies by me to guarantee that he hated her. It made me breathe easier to say the least that he would definitely be ending up with a better girl than her one day.

So as I watch her take her place on the stage, the main thing I think is how awful it would be if she won the Games and got to be the one that had praise and riches heaped upon her. Just from the awful smile on her face I can tell that's exactly what she's thinking too.

"And now for our selection of the male tribute. Here we go!" The crowd once again collectively holds its breath. All that can be heard is the squawking of some seagulls. Appolyte Gordon reaches into the bowl with what he must feel is a mischievous look on his face and rummages deep inside the bowl before pulling out a piece of paper. I think to myself how lucky the people are who had their names on the slips at the top of the bowl- they never get picked. Is it younger names or older ones at the top? He steps back to the microphone and unfolds the piece of paper. My mind is blank, ready to accept either way it goes for me.

"Your district 4 male tribute this year is Kyle Murphy."

I gasp and immediately turn to Dylan. I can see him starting to sink the ground in shock. I grab his arm to keep him upright. One of the only people I don't want to see get reaped is slowly walking through the crowd and up onto the stage, a slight wobble in his step and a face that it almost totally drained of color. His chances had been so low compared to other people, especially compared to Dylan or me. The people gathered in the square shake their heads in disappointment that someone so young has been chosen. I look over at Lincoln and Lachlan, heads down but silently mouthing words of thanks. I look over at the rest of the family. I see my father with his arms around my mother, both watching Kyle go up to the stage with frowns on their faces. He makes a gesture in my direction then back towards Kyle. My other brothers are looking at me with dark looks on both of their faces. Then my eyes rest on Mr. and Mrs. Murphy. Mrs. Murphy is silently weeping in the arms of Mr. Murphy, who looks 20 years older than he had even just this morning. The pain they have to be feeling right now must be enormous. My heart breaks for them.

As a visibly shaking Kyle takes his spot on the stage next to Nerissa, it dawns on me what it is my father is gesturing about, and why my brothers are looking at me. He wishes it was me on the stage. He wishes I was the one at risk now of dying instead of Kyle. Wishing the child he no longer wished to be associated with was the one that had been reaped instead of a person that actually belonged in District 4. And my brothers are showing me their agreement with his feelings. My feeling of fear for Kyle is quickly being replaced with that familiar and painful mix of hate, hurt, anger, and rejection. So it's come to this. This is how low they think of me. They wish that I was dead rather than alive even though I'm not even in their lives anymore.

"Are there any daring volunteers to be the female tribute this year?"

Hearing the word volunteer snaps me back to what is going on around me. I turn to Dylan and can see the gears turning in his head as he looks up at Kyle. I look up at the stage, at Kyle. Loved by his parents and brother, a bright future ahead of him, so young and small compared to the other tributes going to the Games. And this year's Games are going to be extra spectacular whatever that means. Which means no one is going to volunteer except Dylan. One glance at the other 17 and 18 year old boys all but confirms that. And if I lose Dylan, then I lose the last person keeping me going in life. And a realization hits me. Master Aquilis was right- you will know if you plan on volunteering. Everyone wins- Kyle lives, I can repay the Murphy's for all of the kindness they showed me, my family gets rid of me, and I no longer have to live my current life. I'll either live in the Victor's Village away from everyone or die in the arena in front of all of Panem. I turn to look at Dylan. I can see he is focused on the stage, getting ready to volunteer. I'm going to have to distract him to keep him from going through with that. I turn towards him and do something I've always wanted to and kiss him right on the cheek. He turns towards me and reaches up to touch the spot where I kissed him, confusion registering on his face. He's caught completely off guard as I knee him directly in the groin.

"Sorry Dylan." I say.

"No? Very well, are there any brave volunteers to be the male tribute this year?"

Dylan falls to the ground on his knees, gasping in pain. I turn away and start to walk forward. I know what I'm about to do is about to broadcast around the entire nation of Panem, so I better make it look good.

"I'll volunteer as tribute." I call out loudly before anyone else can say it. I look over at my family and scowl at them. Too late to turn back now. Play it up and make myself look confident that I know what I'm doing even though I don't.

"That's fantastic!"Appolyte Gordon says excitedly. "Come on up and take your place on the stage here young man. Kyle, you may return to the crowd."

I start walking towards the stage, listening to the excited whispering behind me. The crowd is happy that the young one can live. Happy that the outcast is being sent away and willingly at that. As Kyle goes down the stairs, I ascend them. Our eyes meet for a moment. The relief of knowing he will not be going to the arena now is allowing his normal pallor to return back to his face. He mouths a word of thanks to me then lowers his head and continues down the stairs, back to his place amongst the other 13 year old boys.

I continue up the stairs and walk across the stage. Appolyte Gordon shakes my hand happily.

"And what's your name, you lucky volunteer?"

"Adrian Delmar."

"Welcome and congratulations Adrian! Wonderful stuff! A clear fan of the Games!" He then tells me to take a place on stage next to Nerissa.

"What an excellent set of tributes you are sending this year, District 4! Let's have a big hand for Nerissa and Adrian!"

A vigorous applause echoes through the crowd, not doubt encouraged by the threatening stares of the Peacekeepers. I slowly scan the crowd and several faces catch my eye. Dylan has a lost look on his face as his eyes flit between Kyle and me- he doesn't know what to think or feel. Marina is sobbing and being hugged by 2 other girls. Lachlan and Lincoln are looking at me, frowns on their faces. My father and mother stare at me, their emotions unreadable.

As the Mayor begins to read from the Treaty of Treason, the document that has caused the events of today and the previous 23 years, I look over at the two available mentors for really the first time today. The first face I see is the heavily modified face of Glade. Glade was the first Hunger Games winner from District 4, having won the 4th Hunger Games. Ruthless, domineering, and positively lethal with a small blade are the main words used to describe the way she won her Games. I hear she has tried to get people to call her Blade instead of Glade. The Games were ruthlessly barbaric the first several years with people wanting the honor of being that first winner from their district, and she fit the mold perfectly of those early champions. I've always related her closely to my parents in the way she acts, and for that reason, I don't like her. I've only had one interaction with her my entire life.

When I was 11 years old, the year before I was going to be eligible for the reaping, she was brought in to the learning academy as a speaker to tell us about how great it was being in the Hunger Games and how much honor it brought to both the district and herself. She addressed the 11 year olds particularly, telling us that the next several years of our life were going to give us our only true opportunities for greatness. Having watched the Games myself for a few years at that point, and having been a part of some interesting conversations with Dylan, I knew that what she was saying was pretty hard to believe. There is no honor to be had in killing people for the enjoyment of the Capital people. And it was unfair that we had to pay for the actions of our parents and grandparents. At the end of her speech she answered questions that people had. Most people asked her what it was like to live in the Victor's Village and what the Capital was like. Dylan raised his hand and asked her how she had been able to bring herself to kill people. The room went totally silent. The smile had evaporated from her face and she stared at him with the harshest look I had ever seen in my life. She said that she was more than okay with having killed people to be able to survive, that only a weak person would not be able to kill, and those people are the types that are killed by the ones who can kill, and therefore don't win the Hunger Games. She then added in a dangerous voice that we better remember that if we knew what was good for us, and then told everyone in the room she hoped she would never be asked such a ridiculous and pathetic question again.

At the time it scared me completely. I thought he'd made her mad at us and made her think we were weak- not something you want a Hunger Games victor thinking about you. It didn't help that my classmates made fun of him for it as well. Now that I'm older I think she used the anger to hide the hurt that must be inside her. It's well known around the district that she is becoming more and more Capital than District 4, what with the multiple surgeries to alter her appearance and the drugs that she has been known to get high on.

Then I look at the other mentor, Mags. Where Glade is scary, Mags is the dead opposite. She's the most down to earth victor I think that has ever come out of the games. She won the 17th Hunger Games using strategy to outwit her more barbaric opponents. She played a defensive game early on; letting many of the other tributes kill each other. Then in the second half she brilliantly used nets to ensnare tributes. At first she left the captured tributes to be killed by others, but as the numbers dwindled, she began killing them herself as well. After she got back, she went right back to the life of a regular citizen of District 4. She can still make a fishhook out of any material and I know for a fact she's better at it than my mother. I've talked briefly with her whenever she has stopped by at my mom's request to get better at her own job. She's always been pleasant to talk with. I know already I want her as my mentor. I'll be as good as dead if I wind up with Glade. And besides I'm sure Nerissa and she will get along quite well.

The Mayor finishes reading the Treaty of Treason and asks Nerissa and me to shake hands to show good sportsmanship. We look each other in the eyes, a feeling of mutual dislike for each other. Looks like our competition against each other has gone to a new height even we couldn't have imagined. I hold out my hand to her, a fake smile on my face. She copies my gesture and we shake hands. I make sure to put extra pressure on the grip to remind her that though she may not think it, I happen to actually be stronger than her.

We turn back to face the crowd and the anthem of Panem begins to play. I wonder what the odds are that one of us will wind up killing the other. I know full well she wouldn't mind sliding a knife or two in my back. And truth be told, I wouldn't mind doing that to her as well. This is going to be interesting.


	6. Chapter 6- Off to the Capitol

After the anthem ends, two sets of peacekeepers come and escort Nerissa and me inside the Justice Building and down a hallway. Each of us is escorted into separate rooms on opposite sides of the hallway. This will be the half-hour we get to have visitors to see us off. The room is pretty simple- a table with a couple of chairs around it, a couch, a few more chairs around the outside of the room, and some paintings on the wall are about it. I walk over to the window and look outside, watching the crowd starting to disperse back to their lives. Parents hug their children, thankful for at least one more year of their safety. People my age talk to their friends, laughing in ecstatic relief that it won't be them going in to the arena. Or maybe they're laughing at the fact that it's me going in to the arena.

I turn away from the window and take a seat on the surprisingly comfortable black couch. 'Well this is what you wanted isn't it. Time to own it.' I push any thoughts about what else I could have done at that moment out of my mind and focus on what I've done to myself now. I breathe deep and start to think about what the next several moves I'll be making will be. After about 5 minutes there's a knock on the door and one of the Peacekeepers steps in with Master Aquilis. He grabs a chair from the side of the room and sits down facing me.

"I have to say Adrian I'm pleased with what you just did. I'm glad you took my words to heart and decided to volunteer. I'm confident in your abilities to do well in the arena." he says, completely missing the point of why I volunteered, but I decide not to correct him.

"Thank you, Master. I will do my best."

"See that you do. Just remember to pay attention to everything out there. You fight not only the other tributes but the arena itself as well. You can do this. I know not everyone here is your biggest fan, but I don't judge people for their love interests." he says. That grabs my attention. "I judge people on how much of a fighter they are. And you are a true fighter Adrian. Show that to the people of the district and they'll completely forget about you being gay."

I'm taken aback by his words. Maybe winning the Games can be a chance to make my future better and to fix things. "I hope you are right, Master. It would be nice." I say with a bit of a smile.

"Alright then. I'm going to go talk to Nerissa now and let the rest of your visitors have their time. Remember your training, trust your instincts, use all of your senses, and never forget why you are there- to survive and win." he says firmly.

"I will, Master."

We shake hands and utter goodbyes. Then he opens the door and walks out, to be replaced with a sobbing Marina, and a very somber looking Murphy family. Marina takes a seat next to me on the couch and pulls me into a big hug. The Murphy's grab more chairs and take seats around me. I know time is short so I decide to get things started in putting their minds at ease.

"Marina calm down it's going to be alright." I say soothingly.

"No it's not! You don't know what could happen out there." she says, tears still falling.

"Yeah but still we've been training for years now. These Games could be my ticket to a better life." I say. She let's go of me and stares at me like I'm out of my mind.

"Dude, what are you talking about?" Dylan says. I look at him for the first time and can see a mix of confusion and worry in his eyes.

"If I win, I can live in the Victor's Village, and everyone will like me again since I'll be a Victor. And if I lose, then I go out showing people I'm more than just that gay kid. Plus I won't have to deal with the complete lack of a future I had going for me." I say honestly. This plan seems better to me with each passing moment.

"You sound like a desperate fool. And a selfish one at that" Marina says. "Ever think about your friends? Or the people that do care about you?" she says, a hint of anger in her voice, waving her hand around the room.

"Of course I did." I say defensively. "The main thing that pushed me to do this was that it was Kyle's name that was called. I did this so that Dylan wouldn't lose his brother. To repay the kindness shown to me by you, Mr. and Mrs. Murphy." I say, addressing them for the first time. "And I'm sorry you guys are so upset but I need to do this. It was the only way to make things better for everyone."

Marina looks at me sadly. "If that's what you really think then so be it. I'm going to be so worried though Adrian." she says, hugging me again. "Please do your best to win."

"I will, of course." I say.

"Adrian," Kyle starts, "Just well, thanks." he says.

"It's okay, Kyle." I say back. I can see the color has returned to his face, this burden having been taken off of his shoulders and placed on to mine. I'm glad he will get to live.

"Of all the people you have to go against from here, it had to be that Nerissa." Dylan says, shaking his head.

"Oh no Adrian, I forgot! I hate her so much! If she wins it will be worst thing ever." Marina says in a devastated tone.

"Big time." Dylan says.

"I know, I know. I've beaten her before though so hopefully that stays the same in the real thing." I say.

"Hopefully someone else takes her out real quick." Marina says darkly.

"I wouldn't complain." I say truthfully.

"Do be careful Adrian." Mrs. Murphy says. "Remember what your competition can do. Don't forget what's worked in past Games." she says.

"I won't."

"We'll see what we can do to help you out once you're in there." Mr. Murphy says.

"Thank you sir. Anything you all do would be more than I could ask for." I reply. Then a thought crosses my mind. "By the way, are my parents…?" I ask, fearing the response either way.

"No, they're not out there." he replies, his facing growing hard. I breathe out a sigh. I guess I'm relieved not having to see them before leaving. There's no way that would have ended well anyways.

We sit around for a few more minutes, no one really knowing what to say to me before the Peacekeeper says there's only 2 minutes left. Everyone stands and each of them gives me a hug. Marina squeezes me extra hard and gives me another good luck wish. The last one is Dylan. I let the others know to go ahead and give Dylan and I a moment. They file out and shut the door. We stay silent for a moment before Dylan speaks up.

"It should be me, Adrian." Dylan says. "I still can't believe what you did. I don't know if I should be angry at you or be scared for you. Why did you do that to me back there?"

I sigh. "I don't know. It's like Master Aquilis said, when the moment comes you know. I couldn't let you go out there. Maybe I am a selfish person, but the thought of me possibly having to sit and watch you die and live my life without you is not something I'm prepared to do."

"Yeah, but if you don't win then I lose. And you do too." I look him up at him and our eyes meet. So much time spent looking at them, but I've never see this much pain in those eyes. And for the first time since the group came I start to feel bad about the decision I made.

"At least take this." he says, reaching behind his neck and unclasping the necklace he always wears. The necklace is just a piece of worn leather except for a beautiful smooth rock in the middle of it the color of his eyes. I know for a fact that necklace has been around his neck for the past 10 years. I remember the day he found it and how pleased he was.

"Dylan, are you sure?" I ask, hesitant to accept something he's had for so long.

"You need a token and this will do just fine. Wear it for me. It'll make me feel a little better with you having at least some part of me out there watching your back." he says with a weak attempt at a smile.

I fasten the necklace around my neck and then look back at him. His eyes are on the necklace, still as sad as they were when he first came in the room. "Dylan look, if I don't win, then I need to tell you this." I say. Just then the peacekeeper opens the door saying that time is up. He grabs Dylan by the arm and starts to lead him out. This is my last chance to say the words I've always wanted to say to him. "Dylan, I've always loved you!" My last sight of him is his eyes looking at me and him mouthing the words 'I know.' Then the door is shut right in my face. I stand there for a moment, engraining that image of him into my memory in case that was the last time I'd ever get to see him again. He always knew and still stayed my friend. I look down at the necklace he gave me- this will be a great token.

I still have a smile on my face when the door reopens a couple minutes later with the peacekeepers taking me out and escorting me out the back door of the building and into a waiting car. The feeling is unfamiliar to me, since I've never driven in one before. It's a much smoother feeling than the swaying and rocking of a boat though I prefer boats any day. I wonder if I'll ever be on one again. Or if I'll even see the ocean again. As we get near the train platform I remember that there are cameras there waiting for me so I better get back into my confident character. As the door opens and I step out I can see the camera crews following our every move. I stride upright with a smile on my face up onto the step of the train. I turn and give a quick wave to the cameras, then head into the train car.

The car is just one giant lounge with comfortable looking cushioned seats along all of the edges. An attendant in a white uniform gestures for me to follow him. He takes me down to a different car and opens the door to a compartment. I walk in and realize this will be my quarters for the several hour ride to the Capital. In school we learned that District 4 is not all that far away from the Capital. They apparently live in a bunch of mountains and have most likely only visited the ocean for a vacation. The idea of not getting to walk along the beach whenever I want is disturbing. As I sit down on the bed I feel the train begin to move. I look out the window and watch District 4 slip away into the distance. I hope I get another chance to feel the sand under my feet again.

The quarters are very nice given that I'll only use them for one night. I wash my face in the bathroom and then explore some of the drawers in the various pieces of furniture in the room. I'd only opened one clothes filled drawer when Appolyte Gordon knocks on the door to collect me for dinner. I follow him past the lounge car and into a dining room. The table is filled with fancy plates and cups that I'm surprised don't fall off the table whenever the train starts and stops. I sit down and he leaves to collect Nerissa.

Only a few second after he leaves, Mags and Glade come into the room and sit down on the opposite side of the table of me. Neither of them says a word, but both of them are looking at me, studying me. I shift my eyes to my lap to avoid meeting their gaze. Thankfully Appolyte returns with Nerissa and she sits next to me. He sits at the end of the table. As soon as he sits down, attendants start bringing out plates of food. Wonderfully colorful soups, salads with at least 4 different vegetables in them, plates filled with fruits, platters of all kinds of meats and sandwiches and things I had never seen before, and for dessert, a chocolate cake. I try all of the different plates since they all look so good and are so different from the fish-based food we have at home.

"Another set of older ones this year. Wonderful!" says Appolyte Gordon after finishing off his meal. "Hopefully one of you two can end this dry spell for the district. Four whole years without a winner is far too long for my liking." he says with an air of self-pity and disappointment. His liking? What about the 8 dead children? I'm sure they would have loved to see us not in a 'dry spell' as he put it. And what about the districts who have sacrificed children year after year without a winner? I can already tell I'll want to avoid Appolyte Gordon whenever I can so I don't flip out on him.

"Gay boy here probably won't do it but I will." Nerissa says, throwing a nasty look my way. Glad the literal first words out of her mouth were to make sure everyone remembered I'm gay.

"You wish. You know full well you've never beaten me in combat before today and it won't start anytime soon." I say, partly out of hate for her, and partly so I don't seem weak.

"Now, now children, save the antics for the arena." Appolyte says good-naturedly, clearly not picking up on the hatred we have for each other.

"I know which one I want." Glade says with a vicious smile on her face. "No offense boy but this one is a miniature me if I've ever seen one." she says, pointing her fork at Nerissa. I want to say that's no skin off my back but I know if I wind up making it farther than Nerissa then she'll be working as a mentor for me as well so I smile and nod my head. I look at Mags.

"Well that works out for me since I wanted to have you to mentor, Adrian." she says with a smile. I smile back, happy inside I have someone looking out for me as well respected as her.

"Excellent! That was settled quickly and painlessly." Appolyte Gordon says. "Now might I suggest we head to the lounge car so that we can watch the other Reapings? Need to see the competition now don't we?

We make our way to the lounge room and sit with our mentors. The District 4 reaping is actually the last reaping of the day so they have all of the other Districts reapings ready to watch as soon as we sit. People in the Capital will have been watching all day already and were probably now setting their first bets on the winners. One by one the other districts reapings show. I pay close attention to who gets picked in Districts 1 and 2 to see if they look good enough to keep the alliance we have begun to have with them the past few games is worth keeping. Both districts had boys and girls volunteer to go to the Games in place of the kids who were called. Decimus and Emerald in District 1 and Dante and Lorelei in District 2. All are big, good looking, and appear to be lethal. They should make for good allies. Hopefully they'll have me even if I'm gay.

A few others stand out. A tall, skinny boy from 3. A short girl with difficulty walking from 5. A very muscular boy from 7. A volunteer from 10. Clearly malnourished kids from 12. It was interesting seeing our reaping. I see Dylan on his knees next to me as I stride out and volunteer. I'm glad the cameras missed what I did to put Dylan in that situation. The commenters could only talk about my size and tan and how I looked like a District 4 citizen should look. And just like that the 24 tributes are known. I think about Dylan and Marina watching at home. I wonder what they think of the competition I'll be heading up against.

Appolyte Gordon excuses himself and heads towards the front of the train. Now it's just us citizens of District 4 sitting in a lounge car heading towards the Capital. In a few days this set of four will be down to three if not two. I turn towards my new mentor.

"So any advice?" I ask, hoping for at least something to grasp onto as a starting point.

"Well first off, when we get to the Capital, and we get you both to the Training Center, your stylist and her prep team are going to be making you both over a bit. You are just going to have to go along with it so no point fighting it." she says in a careful and measured tone. "We will talk strategy and all tomorrow. You just focus on making it through the process of making yourself look good." she adds, while rising from her seat and winking at me. Well at least my first task does not sound difficult. "I suggest you two get a bit of rest before we get there."

I heed her words and head to my compartment. No point putting up a fight with her and there doesn't seem to be much to do on the train. I'm glad it's in the opposite direction as Nerissa's. I would not put it past her to stab me here on the train and just get it over with. She is going to be a dangerous obstacle. The Games may not have officially started but they may as well have, especially if she's going to go around outing me as gay to everyone she can. I make a note to bring this up to Mags later. If she has a problem with my being gay she has yet to show it. On the contrary she seems to be in the same camp as the Murphy's and Marina. I can only hope that's the case at least. She'll be my only lifeline once I'm in the arena.

I lay down in the bed with the intention of maybe getting some sleep, but no sleep comes. All I can do is wonder about what the tributes will be like, what the Capital will be like, what my stylist will be like. I certainly hope she doesn't make me look stupid. Appearances are so ridiculously important in the Hunger Games. I just look out the window and watch the stars pass by.


End file.
